Stive for five -- no, make that three

(Itzallicanstan -- AP)
The Department of Homeland Security today joined with the Food and Drug Administration in warning citizens against the recently discovered bagged spinach threat. In a hastily called press conference this morning, DHS spokesman Gern Blanston revealed that investigators have confirmed widely-held speculation that terrorist mastermind Osama Bin Laden is actually Bluto, and has launched this latest campaign to commemorate the five-year anniversary of the 9/11 attack.

Reports indicate that Bin Laden / Bluto has teamed up with noted genius Wile E. Coli to contaminate American produce, particularly spinach, in order to thwart his arch rival, Popeye. Video recently aired by Al Jazeera shows what appears to be a staging area in a remote desert location littered with crates marked "Acme", with a band of masked gunmen chanting and carrying banners painted "Death to Popeye".

In the video a bearded man who identified himself as Sheik Radylnrol, launched into a tirade against the western agricultural establishment. "They used to call me Sweet Pea and tried to keep me and my people down. Whenever we tried to assert our destiny they would break out that ****** spinach, weird music would start, and the next thing we know we'd be laid out on the ground, bleeding and oppressed. Someone has to take a stand, and the next time those vegetarian oppressors try to dominate us, they will pay -- and not through the mouth!" Attempts to reach his mother for comment were unsuccessful; ever since she changed her name to Madonna some years ago, Olive Oyl has refused to discuss the radical conversion of her child, or his ambivalent gender or origin. Her publicist says she is besieged by media interest after the smash success of her latest hit, "Like an Extra Virgin".

One of the early casualties of the spinach attack was noted entertainer Papa Smurf, who passed away yesterday morning in a Beverly Hills hospital. Doctors apparently failed to recognize the danger symptoms in time, noting that they were so intent on treating Smurf's apparent cyanosis that they missed the gastrointestinal distress. "We're all feeling pretty blue around here now," one staffer noted.

An assistant to Bluto who declined to be indentified was heard shouting "The infidels used to be able to rip tin cans open with their bare hands, but now they're so weak they have to pack spinach in wimpy plastic bags! Their days are numbered!"

Well. The end of the week. We have pictures from the CW Plus network, and pictures from what will become the main CW network feed. We have new racks in place, power run, cable ladder installed. The CW debuts Monday... but not at our stations. Critical equipment that we ordered a month ago is still not here. Some is still in Canada, less than 200 miles away. Some is still in England.

The woman from Fedex and the incredibly tall dude from UPS are feeling sorry for me now: every time I see a truck pull up I hustle to see what they have brought. Today it was nothing.

I'm still busy, but doing work of secondary importance. All I can hope is that when the rest of the gear arrives, we can slap in place and it will play. In the meantime, we're waiting as fast as we can.

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Hannah is just starting her junior year; several mornings ago she wandered into the study after hearing a radio spot for a discount meds-by-mail outfit. "Next year I qualify for the senior discount on my prescriptions," she said, "and I can get fifty percent off food poisoning at Waffle House!"

Funny, I didn't know Waffle House served spinach. Good thing there aren't any around where we live.