How to sell expensive equipment... not

1) Have a web site that shows equipment, but don't give clear specifications so that customers can tell whether the devices will accomplish any particular purpose.

2) Include detailed descriptions in the web site of equipment that does not actually exist, or list features that have yet to be written. Photos of prototype equipment are even better!

3) List a non-working phone number on the web site as the sales contact.

4) Don't include your main phone number on the web site, either.

5) In case a potential customer happens to break through your first ring of defenses by having your main phone number in his contact list, have that number connect to an automated attendant system with so much background noise that you can't understand the instructions.

6) Further enhance your phone system by picking the person with the thickest accent in the office to record the messages and prompts.

7) Set up a convoluted series of menus to navigate with the touch-tone pad... but make sure that no matter which options are selected, the caller gets dumped into the same voicemail box.

8) Make pressing "0" a shortcut to this catch-all voicemail to nowhere.

9) Don't bother to return messages, especially if the caller indicates that he needs very expensive equipment immediately.

I won't get into naming the company... but it's a wonder they sell anything. How they remain the largest manufacturer of broadcast character generators is a complete mystery.

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Testy? Me??? Why should I be in a mood? Our two new CW stations are due to go on the air next Monday, and most of the crucial equipment has yet to arrive. Some of it's in Canada (so near and yet so far!); an encoder is still in England. The video switcher that is the heart of the whole thing is not supposed to arrive until October 11th... I'm trying to arrange a loaner or a demo unit in the meantime.

Bricks without straw.

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Just to set the record straight, my last blog (instant lunch) is not representative of my lunches in general, which are expemplary. I am just finishing an outstanding sandwich of sliced turkey on homestyle rolls and looking forward to several homemade
oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I was merely captivated by the anomaly of having to wait for an "instant" product, and not casting any sort of aspersions on Laurie's provision. Furthermore, even though she has occasionally claimed otherwise over the course of the past 17 years (our anniversary is Saturday), I love her most.

So there.